Who has read See You Later?
I need some feedback…
I obviously know what is coming in my next book, but does anyone here understand what it’s like to be deceived your entire life by your parents?
I used to see my mother and I as a team, until she abandoned me nearly 14 years ago after she chose my abusive father over me. I’d be lying if I said that did not hurt. Did it hurt when she resurfaced a few months ago, professing her love, only to disappear a few months later? No, because I never considered her back in my life. She did leave me with a little gem, though. She’s abused, now. Yeah, the closest she came to admitting I was right about my childhood abuses, was for her to say that she was abused, “too”. Her victimization now takes precedent over her child (me) growing up abused and her constant denial of my truthful lamenting. Does she know the damages she causes? I'm never validated.
I say all of this, ad nauseam, due to being asked to audition with a written or memorized excerpt of mine, for a local production that takes place over Mother’s Day. Sweet huh? Most will be detailing the love felt for their Mother’s and how they have experienced countless moments of hugs, kisses, and protection. My thoughts on that are, I can relate only in the way I parent my children, since I can’t relate to ever having felt any of that from my own mother. “Wah Wah boo hoo” was what I was told when I bemoaned my mothers lackluster exit a few weeks ago. Ugly and weak.
I find myself trying to determine which tale of my mother to use as my audition.
-Do I quote her last text to me and go into depth at her never discussing my laid out heart within See You Later? She could not even acknowledge if she read it, nor the beautiful revelation about Tom’s phone call after his death. Sad. She could have said a million healing things, but she chose to exit from my life once again.
-Do I discuss her denial of my being abused for the entirety of my childhood life?
-Do I discuss that she prefers feeding homeless over feeding love to her daughter and grandchildren?
-Maybe I bring up her lying to the local hospital about what happened to me when my father fractured my ribs at age 16?
You have to be me, in order to fully understand what it has been like growing up with her as my mother. I use to think we were a team, both of us destroyed by my abusive father Frank and it took becoming an adult to realize that she was the Captain of that team. She let me be her damaged equal, never protecting me. Maybe I simply discuss that, the broken way childhood abuse destroys your better thinking as it chews you up and spits you out. I desperately wanted help, but I also never wanted anyone to know how awful my parents were at the very same time. My father destroyed any happy moment and since my mother could not find it in her fight back and get us out of there, I had to create a female who would always fight back as I grew up. Yeah, I might just have to describe how I rose from those ugly childhood ashes. Thanks, Mom and Happy upcoming May birthday to you, since it conincides with Mother’s Day.
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